Remember Everything

Just this week, we, society as a whole may have lost one of the most is not the most inspiring

comedian/actor during my lifetime.  Robin Williams committed suicide shocking us all.  As most of

know I have some personal experience with this as both my sister and then my father have taken

their own lives.  It is a tragedy for anyone to take their life and seems to us as a society that this

act was especially egregious because of his talent and that millions loved him.  I'm not going to

try to explain my beliefs on suicide or defend your belief  but what I want to do is tell you what Robin

Williams meant to me.

Robin will always be T.S. Garp to me.  If you'v never seen the movie "The World According to Garp"

 then it's a must see movie in my opinion.  Any movie with Glenn Close, Robin Williams, Mary Beth

Hurt and John Lithgow is a must see.  Let me tell you that  it wan't the movie that inspired me it was

 Robin's amazing performance that inspired me.  I'm a book snob, the books are always better than

the movies and I mean always.  Except in the case of  Garp.   The book is written by John Irving and

won several awards.  Despite this I could hardly stay interested in it.  I tried, goodness I tried but

I just couldn't do it.  For starters the book is about 6,000 pages long.  No joke it's a long book.  Two;

being from such a small town I couldn't really relate to the characters and the story lines in any

way.  I finally gave up and went to see the movie.  It was magical.  Really and truly it was weird

it was funny and eye opening all at the same time.  Robin gives his best performance in this movie

of all the movies he starred in during his life.  However, here's the reason why I consider Robin to be

one of the greatest actors of our time.

He made the book come alive for me.  After I saw the movie I immediately went back to read the

book and it was magical.  Every line from Garp in the movie was Robin's voice.  Now please

think about this, Robin made a book come alive for me.  Not the movie, he was fantastic in the

movie but the book!  It came alive in my hands and it still resides in a my bookcase to this day.

I will owe Robin for making me realize what an effect an actor can have on a person moving

his mind and heart with his performance.  In the book John Irving ends it with "In the world

according to Garp we are all terminal cases".  I prefer the movie ending.  Garp is dying and his

wife is riding with him and then come his final words to his wife Helen:

T. S. Garp: Remember, Helen.
Helen Holm: What, my love?
T. S. Garp: Everything.
Helen Holm: Yes, my love. 

Yes Robin we'll remember.  We promise.

A funny thing happened to me...life: Don't Blink

A funny thing happened to me...life: Don't Blink

Leave no man behind......

I've struggled with writing this blog for the past week.  I've read most likely a hundred articles with

various view points about Bowe Berghdahl.  I've tried to put myself in the position of being a father, a

brother/sister-in-arms and a civilian.  I've been angry, outraged and sad all at the same time, yet still I

struggled with my thoughts and feelings.   Many of you know, if not all of you that I served a brief

stint in the Marines.  I'm more than familiar with the concept of leave no man behind.  Both the Marines

and the Army Rangers have a history of never leaving a man behind under no circumstances,  Chesty

Puller did it in the frozen Chosin (Korean War) and the Rangers most recently in Somalia.  There are

other great examples as well among the other services but those ring specific in my mind.  I know the

Marines felt strongly about this and apparently Bowe's unit did as well considering they lost 6 soldiers

trying to bring him home. You can read about them here.   The President ultimately traded 5 terrorists,

men so dangerous that they had spent the last 6 years locked at Guantanamo Bay prison.  You can read

about them here if you like.

His father and mother were distraught and never gave up hope.  His father growing a beard and

learning a language to try to help bring Bowe home.  I would hope that most parents would be as

dedicated in trying to bring their son home.  All in all we'll see eventually where this leads and

what the overall trade nets us both as a country and as a society.  I personally have to speak against it.

It seems based on his fellow soldiers testimony, accounts of his final days before capture that Bowe

simply walked away from his post, he took no weapon and walked into enemy territory.

Bowe left ....   Do you see where I'm headed with this?  Bowe left us, his country, his fellow soldiers

and his family.  He wasn't captured he walked into enemy hands.  There is no disputing this.  He

WALKED AWAY, why he did we may never know.  They'll be an investigation and he might be

punished although I suspect the 5 years in captivity and the weight of 6 deaths on his conscious may

be the worst punishment most men could bear.  I doubt it'll be much more although I think many

Americans would like to see him severely punished.  America says "Leave no man behind" and we left

 no man behind.  I hope we don't come to regret it more than we already have.....

A funny thing happened to me...life: I'm just a fan.....

A funny thing happened to me...life: I'm just a fan.....

A funny thing happened to me...life: It's All About Timing

A funny thing happened to me...life: It's All About Timing

It's All About Timing

It's been forever since I've blogged.  Lots of changes in life for me.  I suppose that can be said of everyone

that I know and even those I don't know. I'm 49 now.  I can't decide where that puts me in life, sometimes I

feel certain it makes me old but as of late not wise or venerable.   Physically I'm not in bad shape, I've begun

training to run 50 miles on my 50th birthday.  We'll see how that goes.  I"ll tell you what I have discovered

 in life of late.  It's all about timing.  Literally, I truly believe that life is all about timing.  You can call it destiny,

 predestination, chaos, the universe, luck or any other word you want to use but timing, well that's the "rub"

as we say in the south.  I found it especially true in relationships.  ESPECIALLY true.

I look back on my life and did you know I met my first wife in nursing school?  I started with one class and

became great friends with another guy that was closer to my age after I had gotten out of the Marines and

his wife was pregnant at the time we met, she delivered a preemie, I visited the hospital and 18 months later

I'm married to the nurse that took care of their baby.  Who knew?

But it's more that that, timing is so critical in nature that it's not just big events that affect our lives but little

 ones.  Small details missed not noticed by us that make the difference between life and death, happiness and

 sadness, triumph and tragedy.  My father and mother as many of you know were hit by a drunk driver on

the way back from a local high school basketball game, it nearly killed them both, did you know that the van

 that left the parking lot behind them was filled with about 20 kids from their church?  Timing....

For me timing has always been about being impulsive, I never had much of a sense of being thoughtful or

reflective about most situations.  My personality is well suited to charge ahead, "fix" the situation, damn the

 torpedoes, full speed ahead as they say.  I cannot say it did not always serve me well.  I was promoted

twice meritoriously in the Marines for such actions. I can honestly say foolishness not bravery pushed me

through one of those promotions and I came through unscathed despite my actions and so did my men.

 Timing.

I have spent the last 17 years working in the organ and tissue donation field.  I've done well at times and

enjoyed it otherwise I would have never stayed in it that long.  What most people don't know is that when

 my sister died we asked that she be an organ and tissue donor.  It wasn't allowed because of medical

examiner's concerns but I was so impressed by the coordinator that spoke to my parents it followed me.  I

 moved to Mississippi some years later and eventually began to work for the University of the Mississippi

Medical Center who fired their organ/tissue department.  8 people applied for the job.  7 were offered the

job and turned it down because of the salary.  I was the 8th.  I took the job , 17 years.  Part of my

responsibilities in Georgia were Medical Examiner's Relationships.  Timing.

Despite these grand things it's the small things that I'm beginning to see as more important,  did I tell my

father I loved him the last time I saw him?  Timing.  When I spoke to that person at work, what did my

voice inflect to them.  Tragedy, Triumph, Love or disdain.  Did they leave in wonder of who or what they

 were or to become?  Timing.

Love, that's the thing.  Love is all about timing.  A sweet gesture, a gentle kiss, a "I'm sorry" at the right

moment.  A tender touch, remembering to make her feel special, flowers for no reason. " A day late and a

dollar short", my father use to say. Affairs of the heart march to their own drummer.  I suggest we all start

listening, reflecting, and quietly ever so quietly being more attentive.  Timing.

Time is short.

Time moves on whether we do or not.

Most important thing I've learned?  Time cannot be recaptured.  It's in the moment. You can't take back

what YOU DID or what YOU DIDN'T DO.

I suggest we all start living that way, in the moment.  You won't get it back.

The bear, a biscuit and me.

Yesterday was lovely day in what is referred to as Middle Tennessee.  We divide Tennessee into three distinct areas.  West, Middle and East.  I live in Middle Tennessee, Nashville in fact and decided to go hiking.  The area around Nashville allows for some varied terrain in and around the city which the average hiker can indulge him or herself in a fashion of hiking in which they so choose.  I  lately have had some migraine headaches so when I had a great night sleep when I awoke I determined that we would go to a local park and do some hiking both on and off trail.  The park we chose is very close, less than 30 minutes drive from my home, extremely beautiful hardwoods, running creeks, a number of varied wildlife that you will encounter from time to time The park is perhaps appropriately named after the family that owns many of the the car dealerships in Nashville. (I'm not sure they are related, no one has ever actually approached me about buying a car while I've been hiking.)  Nonetheless after packing the appropriate gear as a prepared Marine, hiker and OCD treated patient we were off on our adventure.  We would never and I mean never go anywhere without packing enough supplies to last for seventeen days.  I mean did you see the fellow that had to cut his arm off to get back to his car? Really?

We drove with the windows down as the weather was glorious.  The temperature was in the low 70's and that would drop by 2-5 degrees as we neared our destination. A lone coyote was seen in a empty lot in a neighborhood; a shudder passing through me as I knew he was standing over a meal since he was so emboldened to eat in the open   We  both exhibited great excitement as we pulled into the parking lot and I pulled on a light Camel bak and we headed off to the Ridge Trail.  We struck a brisk pace almost double time and the woods cast a shadow that didn't allow for sun glasses so they became an ornament  for the apex of my head.  The hundreds of acorns crunched beneath my feet and the plunking sound of them bouncing off branches to trunks to branches and then to the ground were constant; as if a light rain of acorns had been forecast for today. All and all it was pleasant more than that it was peaceful.  I picked up my pace and my body temperature began a tug of war between a chill and the warmth that is meant for you when the sun pushes through the slowly vanishing leaves of fall. We chose a ridge trail and eventually picked up the pace till we were running.

 Running trails requires a combination of several atributes of balance, coordination and luck and I cannot place enough emphasis on luck.  Just push the toe of your running shoe a fraction of a millimeter off the root of a hundred year old oak tree as you bound across a small but deep trench in the trail created by the thousands possible millions of gallons of rainwash that has moved through in the last 50 years and the ER physician will say  "These stitches should approximate that gash nicely and it shouldn't leave much of a scar at all."  The other but mostly positive note is that since you are always looking at the ground for places to push off, place your feet such as the flat rock exposed from the rain over the years, the 150 year-old oak who gives both the root for pushing off and falling acorns that you are sliding though as if you are Neo in the movie Matrix, or perhaps the hard pack earth that you can see through the leaves that have fallen in the early season is that you often run upon scenes in nature unexpectedly.  Sometimes deer grazing, sometimes a bobcat, lots of squirrels, rabbits and an occasional snake. (I will say the occasional snake will cause me to immediately work on my vertical jump skills which the height of the jump are direct relation to the size of the snake).

Today was no different in the sense that we did run upon an unexpected guest.  We reached the end of our trail and sat down on the bench and decided to have a little snack.  I had not eaten lunch before running and I had also brought something for my partner.  I had just taken out his morsels when I heard a grunt and some shuffling some distance behind me.  I casually turned because I really expected an obese middle aged bow hunter that had been caught slipping through State of Tennessee landing hunting where it is prohibited.  It was not.  It was a bear.  A black bear I suppose.  I cannot find an article that states a black bear has been sighted  in Davidson County Tennessee in the last 20 years or so on Google search but never the same there he was approximately 50-75  yards or so away. At the time I was holding "BEGGING STIPS" in my hands.  Yes the ones on TV where the dogs are thinking Bacon, Bacon, Bacon , Bacon , Bacon, Bacon and are doing somersaults to get said begging strips from the person holding them.  My mind immediately went to what alternate did I have to get rid of the strips and my mind thought "I have a biscuit".  Biscuit is my dog.  When I say "we" in this article it's me and biscuit  "We spend a lot of time together.  Anyone of you that has spent time with me know why at this point in my life why my dog spends more time with me than anyone else.  " Biscuit was more interested at this time in the Begging Strips in my hands than the possibility that there was a black bear 75 yards behind me sniffing the same mind controlling smell of "real bacon.  I had just eaten my lunch, a large asian pear.  Please remember this as we continue our story.  Since we were well beyond the distance in which anyone would hear our bear clawing screams I decided we were going to vamoose.  I started packing up (Who packed all this crap?  Enough for 17 days!) while trying to keep hold of a dog who wanted to Beggin Strips and still had not noticed the bear.  I'm not sure whether to be proud or to express my disdain for my dog but at a more appropriate time of course.

After finally getting everything packed (I could have used that large illegal hunter to sit on the pack to close it) we were on the trail.  We eased up the trail another 50 yards and at that point the trail narrows  in relation to where we were when we first saw the bear, so the bear would have to use the trail if he decided to tag along.  I could not see him anymore.  I couldn't decided if this was a good or bad thing.  A bear you couldn't see had left the area right? Of course!  Except I once saw a bear in the Smokies with my son, Zach, we were no further than 30 or 40 yards away and it was bright green foliage and shadows. We took a picture with our camera and when we got home where we developed the picture  we couldn't find the bear in the picture.  So maybe it wasn't good I couldn't see the bear.  We were going to walk back but I told biscuit let's run.  So we ran, turns out not good after eating an extremely large Asian pear.  The pear and I determined within half a mile that it did not want to stay friends and the pear was promptly ejected.  While this was going on Biscuit looked quite confused about the whole day and  I said "I guess if the bear was following us he'd catch us for before the car" he looked at me like the person who finally realizes "There's a bear following us?  Did you say car?"  Apparently Begging Strips do not cause the same type of gastrointestinal discomfort as Asian pears.  I saw him for about 7 seconds before he was gone from sight.

When I emerged from what I thought would be a most glorious day, plastered in dirt, with a growling stomach, and angry legs I was greeted by a smiling Biscuit sitting by my car.  The day was perfect!


Disclaimer:  I understand that bear sightings in Middle Tennessee are extremely rare.  I did not take a picture of it with my cell phone camera, who takes their cell phone hiking in the woods?  No I will not show you where I saw the bear, no I will not give you the name of the park, no I will not correspond in email with you and no I will not do an interview with you.  Leave me and the bear alone.  Yes I am an experienced outdoors man,  Marine, hunter, and hiker (I have over 400 miles on the AT in section hikes, I have seen numerous bears so I do know what they look like).  Some of the story is fiction.  Not all of my blogs are completely true and are exaggerated for effect.  The bear sighting is not one of them.  Biscuit is also not an exaggeration.